Who’s Who: SEC Football and Downton Abbey

The Internet has been waiting for the comparison between Downton Abbey characters and SEC Football programs, so of course here at Sports Are Involved we look to carry out the world’s great wishes.  This article will be co-written by my wife Brittany, who is perhaps a bigger fan of SEC football and Downton Abbey than I am, which is saying quite something my friends.

Sadly, we could not match every Downton character to an SEC team as there’s only 14 teams to go around.  Dang that realignment that it doesn’t go faster!  In any case, here’s how the major players at the abbey compare with the teams from the greatest conference in the history of ever…

Alabama – Lord Robert Crawley, the Earl of Grantham
The most stately figure on Downton, Lord Robert Crawley tends to stick with the traditional.  He has constantly fought against the modern and only changes when prodded.  He is the image of power from the past, and with the death of Matthew Crawley, the face of power for the foreseeable future.  The same can be said of the Crimson Tide.  They have been powerful and will be powerful for quite some time.  Roll Tide.

Arkansas – Mr. Molesley
The aspiring valet has a penchant for ridiculous situations, such as accidentally getting drunk while serving a dinner, making a fool of himself at a dance, and turning in an underwhelming cricket performance.  Sadly Mr., Molesley seems to be in dire straits as his ticket to employment, Matthew Crawley, met a bitter end.  Arkansas, as it is, was on its way to prominence under Bobby Petrino when he had his own “car accident.”  And like Arkansas, Mr. Molesley has been left behind.

Auburn – Tom Branson
Once a figure of disdain and a possessor of dangerous ideas, Tom Branson has now been accepted as one of the more influential figures at the Abbey.  As the current agent for the estate, he now has the position (thanks of course to his marriage to the late Sybil Crawley) to put his new ideas into play.  As does Gus Malzahn, who puts his quirky spread attack into the Tiger offense, and as 2013 indicated it’s quite the impressive force.  Look for Auburn, and Tom Branson, to play a larger role in the very near future.

Florida – Thomas Barrow
Sometimes there’s somebody who looks to be one of the crowd, but at second look they really aren’t part of the crowd but rather a quite defiant exception.  Thomas Barrow, the footman turned soldier turned valet turned whatever other role he plays downstairs, doesn’t really fit in with anyone except the scheming O’Brien, who has flown the coop.  Florida, not a traditional power in the SEC (at least more than 20 years ago), also represents a culture that is definitely not “southern.”  And with that offense last year, it’s certainly not “SEC.”  Bring back Tebow!

Georgia – Matthew Crawley
Full disclosure – this was the obvious pick by Brittany, who is a Bulldog graduate and passionate lover of all things Matthew.  Regardless, Matthew was quite refined and talented but never was able to sustain positive momentum in life before the devastating crash which killed him.  Since Herschel Walker, the Dawgs have had a roller coaster of a ride which never stays at the top for long.  With a great win comes a wildly devastating loss, such as the Prayer at Jordan Hare.  But even though Matthew is gone from Downton, he will still be part of the story.  As the Dawgs are and will be in the SEC.

Kentucky – Cora Crawley
It was Lady Cora, and her fortune, who came from the States to rescue Downton Abbey, and despite her best efforts, her American nature is used against her at times, particularly by her eldest daughter Mary.  She has little to no interest in the managing of the estate, but her presence matches Robert in their relationship.  As for the Wildcats, they are somewhat irrelevant in football and come from a different stock than the rest of the SEC.  So while the Wildcats have little interest in football, in basketball, well, that’s a different story.  Plus, what about Cora’s derby hats?  Very nice!  

LSU – Rose MacClare
Everyone likes someone around to make things interesting.  They might not always come through in every instance, but darn it they are fun.  Young Rose comes from the High Country and brings spontaneity to Downton Abbey that has been missing since the death of Sybil Crawley.  It’s natural that Les Miles would fill this role.  The grass-eating leader of the Bayou Tigers is always good for a laugh and a surprise, and with characters like the Honey Badger, Baton Rouge is never predictable.

Mississippi State – Edith Crawley
No one likes Mississippi State.  And no one likes Edith.

Missouri – Isobel Crawley
When her son Matthew stumbled into inheritance rights at Downton Abbey, it was his mother Isobel who looked to make the greatest impact when she became a factor in the family.  Whether it was running an infirmary at the Abbey, or annoying the crap out of Cousin Violet, she loves to be in the middle of the action.  Not unlike the Missouri Tigers, who in their short time in the SEC, has defeated Georgia, Florida, and Texas A&M, along with winning the SEC East and playing for an SEC Championship.  Instant impact!

Ole Miss – Mary Crawley
Some people are just born rebels.  While having the appearance of a classical figure, they go and sleep with a Turkish diplomat.  Mary Crawley is likely the central figure of Downton Abbey, and while maintaining an air of class, she’s always full of disappointing moves, such as the aforementioned affair, refuses Matthew’s advances, and spending any time with Sir Richard Carlisle.  Life is certainly a roller coaster which is quite full of dips and valleys.  Ole Miss, while maintaining the aura of Southern class, does really nothing special on the field and just moseys along from season to season without sustaining any level of success.

South Carolina – Violet Crawley
One never has to worry about the Dowager Countess from lacing barbs to anyone and everyone around the “big house.”  With such sharp wit, the matriarch of the Crowley family often shows tough love but doesn’t hesitate to show her soft side when appropriate.  We’re not sure if he has a sharp side, but there’s no doubt that Steve Spurrier is the “Dowager Countess” of SEC football coaches.  Whether it’s noting that you can’t spell citrus without UT, or admitting he likes playing Georgia early because a couple of their players will be suspended, no one does it like the “Old Ball Coach.”

Tennessee – Mrs. Hughes
Listen I love Mrs. Hughes, the lady version of Carson the butler downstairs, but you get the sense that her best days are behind her.  Whether she’s turning down old flames or contracting crippling diseases, it seems that Mrs. Hughes is content to shepherding along young talent at Downton and growing old alongside Mr. Carson.  As for Tennessee, Phil Fulmer isn’t waddling through that door.  While Butch Jones may bring the Volunteers back to prominence, it seems that Rocky Top’s best days are behind it.

Texas A&M – Mr. Bates
While it’s difficult to know Downton Abbey without Mr. Bates – remember that his entrance to Downton was a critical plot line of the series premiere – hobbling around the corridors, so it will be hard to imagine Texas A&M football with Johnny Manziel.  While both are integral parts of the current story, both have endured a sketchy past.  Bates may have killed his former wife.  Manziel drank some beers and signed some footballs.  Both crimes seem to be equally as fascinating.  So will Mr. Bates and Texas A&M resemble each other now that Johnny Football has left for greener pastures?  Eh, probably not. 

Vanderbilt – Mr. Carson
You know what you are getting with Mr. Carson.  He will stress over dinner service and disapprove of literally everything.  But every now and then, Mr. Carson shows an emotional depth that is rarely seen by any character, usually when giving advice to Mary.  Now listen, we know what to expect from Vanderbilt.  The Commodores are good for four wins each year and will probably beat Wake Forest and someone unexpected on the SEC schedule.  But every now and then, they surprise you with an eight win season.  But expect the dinner stress and disapproving attitude to return quite swiftly.

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Sadly we couldn’t get around to finding teams for Anna, Daisy, O’Brien, and a vast assortment of others, but perhaps one day when the SEC takes over all of college football, we shall assign all the characters in the Village Grantham.