Where Are They Now: Louisville Cardinals Edition

I just returned from Haiti roughly 36 hours ago. When I connected to Wifi for the first time in a week, I quickly learned three pieces of information:

1) Instagram told me that you can throw boiling water into the air and it turns to snow. And apparently, I missed a polar vortex of sorts.

2) The old SAI gang was planning a reunion. I gladly accepted an offer to be SAI’s pistol-whippin’ female writer.

3) Bobby Petrino interviewed for the job at UofL.

That third piece of information struck me because I had no idea that Charlie Strong had left. Whilst in Haiti, I worried a lot more about finding the Haitian chicken restaurant and whether I should wear SPF 30 or 50. I had no idea that Strong left for Texas and didn’t even know who won the national championship until almost 24 hours later, so imagine my confusion when the Petrino info blew up on  Twitter right as I was arriving in the Miami airport.

So I thought we’d play a game of Where Are They Now, just to make sure I’m caught up to speed.

Charlie Strong

We all knew it was going to happen. After four winning seasons, back-to-back impressive Bowl wins, and three seasons of Teddy Bridgewater, we knew that Charlie Strong would move on to bigger and better things. Louisville has been a stepping-stone job for many coaches, and Strong’s quick success suggested that his tenure would be short. And really, who can blame him?

So where is he now? Texas.

Rick Pitino

Sex in restaurant. Something about 15 seconds. Paid for an abortion. Big scandal. Contract extension. National Title. Recent loss to the Kentucky Wildcats on December 28.

Where is he now? Louisville, until 2022. 

Chane Behanan

First, he gets suspended indefinitely. Then he’s back. Then suspended again. Drives fancy car at some point. Then he’s back. Sold his championship ring at some point. Plays in UK/UL game, scoring zero points. Dismissed from team.

Where is he now? Not Louisville, finally. 

Kevin Ware

The whole nation came together in support of Ware after his leg injury, but now he has recovered. He’s been driving, even! Driving really fast! After receiving a speeding ticket for driving 95 mph, Ware missed a court date. Then it surfaced that he was driving a  2013 Challenger borrowed from an employee of a Louisville marketing company. Suspicious behavior, indeed, but the university determined that no NCAA violation had occurred.

Where is he now? Louisville.

Tom Jurich

Oh, Tom. Such an understanding guy. Tom Jurich has been at Louisville since 1997 and his contract doesn’t end until 2023.  A lot of people owe thanks to Tom Jurich. Pitino had sex in a restaurant, kept his job, and got a contract extension. “Thanks, Tom!” Clint Hurtt, who knowingly engaged in unethical conduct and then lied about it, will keep his salary and his job. “Man, you’re the best, Tom!” Jurich hires Bobby Petrino after all kinds of sketchiness (See: Petrino sex scandal, sneaky Auburn interview, and the Atlanta Falcons). “Thanks for getting me back on my feet, Tom! I’ve really changed this time!”

Where is he now? Also Louisville, and will be for an insanely long time. 

Bobby Petrino

After Petrino went astray for several years, Tom Jurich has welcomed home the prodigal son with open arms. After a sex scandal even larger than Rick Pitino’s, Petrino spent a year at WKU before landing a new head coaching job in a major conference. Mistresses aside, who can forget Petrino’s other miscellaneous bad behavior? He snuck off for an interview with Auburn, then peaced out for the NFL. Then he left the NFL by leaving A NOTE. Why any AD would hire him is beyond me, but apparently people enjoy winning. Until this week, Louisville fans had a deep hatred for Petrino after how he left. My dad, a long-time UL supporter, hates Bobby more than any coach in any sport. I am utterly shocked at the overwhelming support for him by the Louisville media and all my UL friends on Facebook and Twitter. If I were a UL fan, this is one hire I couldn’t get behind.

Where is he now? He’s at Louisville, too? Yes, it’s now official.

I think I see a pattern.

There seems to be something missing at Louisville, and I think it’s called integrity.

So where are we now? Ricky and Bobby. Pitino and Petrino. What a fun duo they shall be. With the news being official, all we can do now is hope that our new favorite coaching duo will provide us with some entertainment and jokes over the next few years. And we should probably hope that Stoops has a good game plan.